The Healing Power Of Forgiveness

| by | Healing | 0 comments

Today, I heard of an acquaintance’s father passing away unexpectedly. That is a horrible way to be awakened. My prayer for her was that the peace of God that passeth all understanding guard her and her family’s heart and mind. I also wanted to say to her that this is a season that her and her family has to go through and they will come out on the other end with beautiful memories that don’t include pain. But I didn’t. I didn’t because I didn’t know whether that was true or not. Let me explain.

The death of a parent or anyone close to you can leave you feeling empty and alone. It could be that you didn’t learn all the you wanted to from this person. Or it could be that you didn’t tell them how much they meant to you, or it could simply be that you will miss them tremendously. These are all perfectly healthy feelings to have.

But what happens when this is someone that did something to you that you never forgave. Or how about if the offender never acknowledged or apologized for the wrong doing. Now i’m not talking misunderstanding here, i’m talking some low down dirty stuff. What do you do then?


Man that is so much harder than you think but you’ve got to…


Unforgiveness is a POISON that kills you!! I’ve heard Joyce Meyer say that unforgiveness is likened to a person who can’t/won’t forgive, drinking poison and hoping it kills the other person. The truth is, it is spiritual poison that not only kills your soul but it also affects you physically. Here’s what some researchers are saying:

  • “Forgiveness of self and others has been the most powerful predictor of both depression and suicide ideation.” Journal of Applied Sciences 2009, Vol.v9, Issue 19, pgs. 3598-3601
  • “Forgiveness therapy is recognized as a powerful method of breaking cycles of hostility, anger and hatred.” Elliot 2010
  • “Most of the diseases of abnormal immune function are remarkably linked to psychological stress.”Robert Scaer, MD, from The Trauma Spectrum
  • “In nurturing a patient’s will to live, the first step is locating and treating past traumas. These poorly healed scars drain a significant portion of energy, and they hamper the body’s capacity for self-defense.”David Servan-Schreiber, MD, from AntiCancer
  • “Recent research reports that “a number of chronic health conditions have been identified as health conditions with social and interpersonal etiologies (originations) and consequences. Forgiveness interventions offer important insights for management and treatment of these conditions.” Elliott 2010

And they go on and on.

Forgiveness is POWERFUL tool that should be in everyone’s toolbox of life. It really can propel to greater heights and freedoms never thought possible.

Ok so HOW do you forgive? I’ve asked myself that question a time or 2. Here are some practical methods that I used albeit, one deals with pre-forgiveness.

1. Offer GRACE

Do you know why people are offended and find themselves in unforgiveness? They feel they have a right to be offended. Think about it. People don’t do what we believe is appropriate and that gives us the green light to place them in the box of unforgiveness. The only way they get to come out of that box is if they have been punished. But have you considered that they hurt others because they’ve never been taught to love and your act of grace and understanding towards them may be their first encounter with another way…a better way of going through life. I’m not saying give the Jeffrey Dahmer’s of the world a free pass to do the things they do. They need to be in jail and away from easy access to hurt people. But those hurt by them NEED to forgive because they are still here and to perpetuate the hate they’ve felt, keeps his legacy of hurting others alive. Let it die with him.

2. DECIDE to forgive

You just have to decide to forgive. Just commit to forgiving them. In unforgiveness, there are certain actions you do that are cues you are in unforgiveness. For example, you may see the person coming your way and you cross the street, or turn around. Or they may come up to you and try to engage and you act as if they don’t exist. Or you talk about them to other people (spreading the unforgiving spirit). Or you may never talk to them again. Whatever it is, decide to forgive and reverse all the actions that signify that you are in unforgiveness. So acknowledge them when they talk to you, go talk to them, don’t avoid them, confront them about the hurt and actively seek reconciliation. If they respond in kind, then accept it and move on. Now here’s the kicker, if the DON’T respond in kind, ACCEPT it and move on. You have now killed the seed that set up residence in you.

3. Seek the Holy Spirit

Seek for and receive the help of the holy spirit by calling out to God. He is the author and finisher of all things that are pure and when you call on him, he won’t leave you nor forsake you.

Unforgiveness is a process but when you truly decide and actively seek to forgive, over time as you master the steps above, you will wake up on the other side with new understanding and a healthier YOU!!

Happy forgiving!!

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Be Encouraged!!

| by | Encouragement | 0 comments

Support concept. 3d character with laptop
Hello everyone and welcome to my blog, YEAH!!! My husband has been trying to get me to blog for over a year now and I’ve finally caved.

So as you can see, my site is a work in progress but at least i’ve gotten started.

So what should my first post be about……hmm……how about a pick me up.

So everyone has heard the news these days, the economy is horrible, there are no jobs, unemployment is high, people getting caught up in the economic downturn. Well, I am no different. I, too got caught up in the economic downturn. If you don’t know my story, well here goes.

I entered into the USAF excited to see the world (I have always loved traveling, that’s something I got from my mom) and do great things. The years pass by in a blink of an eye and in those years, I was afforded the opportunity to travel and live in places like Turkey, Japan, Greece, Ireland and China. I got to orchestrate the burial of Fmr. Pres Reagan, was in charge of billions of dollars of nuclear equipment, built and executed programs for NATO troops and their families, awarded lots of accolades including the best services officer in the entire Air Force and ranked as the #1 officer in my grade level (company grade officer level which includes 2d Lt, 1st Lt and Captains). I was given the highly coveted ‘definitely promote,’ a rating reserved for the top 1% of officers in my command, was chosen to attend a prestigious school, the Naval Postgraduate School and deliberately trained in a new career path for 3 years. I get married to my college sweetheart and everything was honky dory. But just as we move to Korea, I was ‘let-go’ from the military (is that even possible). I was in the military for 12 years and had a short 8 years (approximately 3 more assignments) before I would have been eligible to retire. But, the military no longer needed my volunteer service. At the time, I was pregnant with my first child and in Korea, my husband has just arrived the month before and just as soon as we had arrived, we were on a plane back to the US. After separation, I went from making an executive level salary to $0 and can’t find a job. Today, I am back in school with a healthy pre-school toddler (still can’t believe that I have a child in school), my family is still in tact and healthy and I am building 2 separate businesses.

I don’t say all of this to elicit a particular type of response but I’m sharing this with you because I want to share with you how God has so sustained us. I want to share with you that if we survived those times and came out on the other side, so can you. I’m not saying that there weren’t sleepless nights, or days when we couldn’t pay our bills or our bank account was in the negative. Those things did happen but they are almost a non-existant memory as we have seen how God has brought us through. We are a living witness of the verse that says:

Psalm 37:25

I have been young, and now am old; yet have I not seen the righteous forsaken, nor his seed begging for bread.

I am SO grateful that I have a God/father that stays true to his word and has kept me from the damaging effects of life. And I am honored that he has prepared me for such a time as this to minister to his people in ways that I never imagined possible. I have always desired the freedom of being able to raise my kids on my own time and terms and help others where I know they hurt and that is coming to pass.

So I say to you reading my blog, be encouraged through what it is that you are facing. You can and WILL make it to the other side if you simply do not quit. If you have hit rock bottom, I celebrate with you because there is no other way to go but up. Get up from whatever has knocked you down and KEEP MOVING FORWARD!! Just take one step at a time, you don’t have to worry about tomorrow, worry about today. Easier said than done but do your best and you will make it.

Stay encouraged.

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